


Deadly Conversation

by beatosuffers



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship, youkanan is a pure ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 01:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11117442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatosuffers/pseuds/beatosuffers
Summary: You felt time stop, she thinks the whole world stopped rotating and revolving too because the moment Kanan uttered that sentence again, everything was so still. You couldn't hear the waves crashing or the birds chirping, Kanan was saying something too but silence was all what her ears met.





	Deadly Conversation

You had been waiting for Kanan at the beach after the older girl told her to meet her there right after class because the dark-haired girl told You that she had something important to tell her.

The silver-haired girl was playing with the hem of shirt, feeling nervous for some reason. She tried telling herself that it's just going to be one of those days where the older girl just wants to hang out with her alone.

Meeting by the beach has always been their thing ever since Kanan taught You all she knows about swimming and diving when You was only eight-years-old. Chika was part of those swimming lessons but the bubbly girl had always opted out because "being one with the sea" as Kanan loves to refer it, isn't just Chika's thing. "I like to be on the ground more" will always be her best friend's reply to the older girl. And with that, since You was 8, she and Kanan would regularly meet up by the beach to teach her and do some competitive swimming with one another or to just talk.

But today, as You waits patiently by the beach, watching as the sun goes down the horizon, the silver haired girl can't help but feel like their meeting her today would be different.

When You was young she thought she just admired the dark haired beauty for her passion with the sea and just saw her as an older sister but as they grew older and "crushes" became a thing that girls loves to talk about during middle school, it made You wonder if her admiration for Kanan could be considered as a "crush." You laughed at the idea of it at first because it's _absurd_. It's _Kanan_ she's talking about here and _Kanan_ just sees her as a younger sister and there's no way You would ever have a crush on one of her friends- she watched way too many movies about unrequited love that revolved around best friends and since then she promised herself that wouldn't happen to her.

Friends are off limits when it comes to romantic feelings.

You avoiding and denying the whole romantic feelings for the older girl was doing great until Kanan finally reached high school and You was still stuck in middle school which means they saw each other less. You thought with the less time they saw each other it would mean her feelings would slowly dissipate.

Oh how _wrong_ she was, whenever You and Chika would visit Kanan at the diving shop when they can, You's attraction to the older girl increases. Can you blame her? Puberty was hitting Kanan Matsuura so damn well and the girl working out everyday did wonders to her physique and the younger girl can't help but be in awe. Back then, You never really paid that much attention to Kanan's body and she never was nervous whenever she saw the dark haired girl with just her swimsuit but You was a growing girl and she just learned at school the other day about hormones.

You remembers that one time Chika said about how "absence makes the heart go fonder" after watching some cheesy-romantic movie. Andhow right that quote was (You wonders where the hell Chika even heard it though).

You really tried to erase her feelings for Kanan but the older girl just makes it hard for You to not _fall_ for her. Kanan is sweet, caring, intelligent (You once complimented Kanan about how her mind is amazing and Kanan kissed her cheeks and said it was the nicest thing she's ever heard and You almost died during that day), and worst of it all, Kanan is a touchy kind of person and You always relishes those innocent touches.

By the time high school rolled around, You was in too deep with the older girl. She then decided that now she's starting her first year as a high school student and Kanan would be entering her second year, she'd do anything to get her feelings across the older girl. But what the silver haired girl did not expect was that Kanan decided to take a year off for some reason and continue her studies at home instead. You was confused and sad when she heard about it. Kanan never really liked to share whats going on in her life now that You thinks about it, the older girl doesn't really talk about whats going on in her life that much, heck, You doesn't even know if Kanan has other friends besides her and Chika. Kanan was closed off even though she seems to be a cheery, all-smiley kind of girl. And You can't help but be disappointed in herself for not being a good friend to the older girl.

So when the whole Aqours thing started and slowly she and the other girls uncovered about what happened, the silver haired girl cant help but be disappointed in herself even more. Worst of it is that, with that one year Kanan was kind of gone, she used that year to get rid of her feelings and try to delude herself to like someone else instead. But _that_ didn't work out too.

You snapped out of her thoughts when she felt someone tap on her shoulders, she let out a squeak the moment she felt and looked up to see the familiar purple eyes she has come to love over the past few years.

"Kanan-chan you scared me!" You exclaimed, "good thing you're not like Mari-san or I would've had you on the ground by now." The said blonde have always had an odd way to get people's attention and ever since the younger girl got a taste of Mari's way of a "surprise attack", You has been wary of the school chairman.

The dark haired girl in front of her laughed heartily and You's heart can't help but swell with affection because of the sound.

"Sorry You-chan, I didn't mean to scare you, you just looked so lost in thought." Kanan said as she narrowed her eyes on you, "what were you thinking anyway?"

The younger girl then blushed because she can't tell that she was reminiscing the old times and about her feelings for her and so she let out a dry laugh as she scratched the back of her head "It's nothing to worry about" she started but Kanan's eyes was still on her trying to figure her out, "but anyway what do you want to talk about?" You asked, trying to change the subject.

Kanan just looked at her for a while until the older girl just shrugs and You sighed in relief but a part of her wished that Kanan pushed her more and maybe, just maybe, she would've finally be able to spill all the things she's been feeling for the girl in front of her.

"I wanted to talk to you about a secret and you're the only one I trust without spilling anything to anyone." Kanan said in a hush tone as if anyone else could hear them when they're basically alone at the beach.

"A secret?"

"Yeah uhm, I don't know I'm just-" Kanan started rambling, the dark haired girl looked so nervous and it's the first time she ever saw the older girl that nervous. The older girl has her eyebrows furrowed, a small pout etched on her face as she continues to ramble and her eyes just continues to look at the ground- You thinks the sight in front of her is just adorable and all she wants is to tell Kanan that and so she opened her mouth but what came out instead was, "Kanan-chan you're rambling."

That got the older girl to shut her mouth. Kanan closed her eyes and took a deep breath, after a second or two, she finally opened her eyes and looked at You directly in the eye and the silver haired girl feels her stomach churning from the nervousness she's feelings for some reason but the moment Kanan opened her mouth and said something, the younger girl felt her heart and stomach drop.

"What?" You let out. The silver haired girl tried to reassure herself that she must've heard the girl in front of her wrong or maybe the girl was just playing a prank on her and the other Aqours members would finally show up any moment and this whole thing is just one big cosmic joke.

But her thoughts were proven wrong when the girl she loved repeated what she said earlier, "I'm in love with Mari."

You felt time stop, she thinks the whole world stopped rotating and revolving too because the moment Kanan uttered that sentence again, everything was so still. You couldn't hear the waves crashing or the birds chirping, Kanan was saying something too but silence was all what her ears met. The younger girl could feel her eyes burning too and she tries not to blink because she knows that when she does, tears would come spilling out. So the younger girl turned around and blinked as fast as she could and wiped her eyes before the older girl could react. When You finally- well somewhat got herself together for a second, she turned around and saw the concerned look on Kanan's face.

"Sorry bout that, I just had some sand in my eye." You said before the older girl could ask what's wrong.

"Are you alright?" Kanan asked and You hates the dark haired girl for it because she could feel herself crumbling and wanting to tell her that no, it's not alright but instead of telling her that she said "Yeah, I'm okay."

Kanan just nodded and You can't help but feel the tension in the air. Was it that tense a while ago and she just did not notice until now?

"Uhm so, you're in love with Mari-san huh?" You asked trying to kill the awkwardness settling between them.

The older girl blushed and looked at the ground, looking shy all of a sudden. "Cute" You thought. The silver-haired girl caught herself and cursed at herself for even thinking such things.

"Yeah, I have been for a while I guess" Kanan started, the younger girl tried to take a deep breath because she doesn't want to hear any of the things Kanan has to say. She just wants to run away but she was the one Kanan trusted with this "secret" and she loves the older girl so much that she wants to be there for her even though it hurts and the irony of the situation makes You want to laugh but also cry.

"I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it and I'm afraid to tell her that because what if she doesn't feel the same?" Kanan looked so worried, she's biting her lower lip out of nervousness and all You wants to do is hug her but the younger girl remained in place.

"Anyone could see from a mile away how much Mari-san loves you." You said, and its true. She notices all the lingering touches the two shares, the insides jokes the only two of them get and how literally close they are most of the time. You used to just brush it off thinking it's because Mari's just Kanan's best friend and she's like that with Chika too but now that she looks back about it, their love has been on full display since Kanan and Mari resolved their problems.

You was just in denial about it the whole time.

Kanan looked up at that and gave You a small smile "You think so?"

"I know so."

Kanan then just chuckled and suddenly enveloped the younger girl into a tight hug. "Thanks You-chan, telling you all of that actually makes me feel lighter."

You wrapped her arms around the older girl's torso relishing this moment because she doesn't know when she'll be able to do it again without breaking down- trying to be okay with the girl she loved hugging her so tight right now is already so hard enough.

"No problem Kanan-chan, Mari-san would be stupid to not return your feelings because you're the most amazing person I know and anyone would be lucky to have you." You tried to hold back a sob as she said those words, she closed her eyes tight and said those three words she's been dying to tell the older girl for years now in her mind.

Kanan pulled away from the hug and You wants to whine in protest but she knows she can't.

"She's not yours." You thought.

"Thank you for that You-chan." Kanan said as she bent down a little and kissed the younger girl on her cheek.

The silver haired girl felt her cheeks heat up, usually this would make her heart flutter but right now all it does is break her heart even more. It feels like Kanan is doing it on purpose but she knows the older girl is oblivious about her feelings.

"I have to get going now though, I'll see you tomorrow." Kanan said as she waved goodbye and started walking away.

You wanted to tell her to stop- to stay because she has some things to tell her too but there's a lump in her throat and her eyes are welling up with tears and she's actually thankful Kanan left.

You sunk down on the ground and finally let the tears fall and let out an agonizing cry.

She wants to beat herself up, she wants to turn back time just so she could've done things differently- that she could've showed Kanan her true feelings for her before this whole thing ever happened. She wants to run after the older girl and tell her how much she loves her and that maybe- just maybe she could love her more than Mari ever could.

But as she thinks about it, no matter how much love she could give to the dark haired girl, the older gir's heart is beating for someone else.

You just hopes Mari would take care good of it, hopes that Mari could give and show all the love and affection Kanan deserves, do all the things You wished she could and should've done.

"So much for not letting unrequited love happen to me."

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a year since I've posted anything on here and this fic has been collecting dusts in my drafts and so I decided to just post it because why not and of course the first thing I post on here again is angst! I love angst!
> 
> It's also really hard to write You because you, you, you, you.
> 
> Anyways, sorry if there was any mistake. I hope y'all have a nice day!


End file.
